When Happiness Dies
by poisonedapple13
Summary: Read if you're in the mood for some dramatic Spamano! Have you ever spent the majority of your life, wishing for something that you would never get? Have you ever hated somebody with such a passion, even the worse things to do to them don't seem cruel enough? I haven't. Not until I met Romano and his brother Italy. Short story, don't read if you don't like sad endings.


**Alright! So, this will _not_ be fluffy. I can't express that enough. In fact, if you keep reading, you may start hating me. Just a warning. If you really like Italy and will get butthurt from Spain dissing on him, stop reading. Now. However, if you're in the mood for some drama, read the fuck outta this shit. Leave a comment, I want to know your legitimate thoughts on this. I will cry if nobody leaves a comment. Just kidding, I won't, but the comments will help with future material ^^**

**So, without further ado, onto the story~**

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I should have known that every kiss, every tiny little touch of our skin wasn't real. However, I put everything I had into those shows of affection, into pleasuring the beautiful body beneath me. Maybe if I did well enough, my 'partner' would see that I was serious about our love, serious about extending it farther than just fanservice.

But, as I pulled out, collapsing in a sweaty heap next to the very boy I so desperately wanted, I knew that it wouldn't happen. Despite what we just did, Romano was still straight.

"Bastard, you were too rough," The Italian mumbled, heaving his body up to turn off the camera that had recorded our sinful act, "But hell, I think this one will be our best seller."

"Yeah…" I replied tiredly, staring at the ceiling. My beautiful Romano would never love me the way I desired. It just wouldn't happen. As Romano relaxed his body back onto the mattress, I nonchalantly reached out to wrap my arm around his waist. That was a stupid idea, I knew, especially considering he immediately elbowed me in the stomach. As I clutched the throbbing skin, he turned and spat at me.

"Go the hell to your own room now."

I sighed, flashing him a blinding smile before untangling myself from the sheets and making my way to the door, "Buenos noches," I whispered. Just because he couldn't admit his feelings didn't mean I had to be cold. I'd love him to the very end, even if it meant I'd have to die to make sure he stayed happy. That's how much I love my Romano.

"Tch. Hurry and leave," He pulled the blankets up, covering his shoulder now spotted with darkening hickeys.

I complied, exiting the room and entering my own just down the hall. I'll admit, it hurt. What we were doing killed me to no end…

See, we had just discovered that people liked us as a pairing. At first, Romano was disgusted by no means. Then he realized that if we…well, filmed us doing it…that we could make a buck. I agreed, mainly because I figured it would make him happy, but part of me did it selfishly, knowing that I'd finally be able to touch that delectable body of his.

I'm going to Hell.

But I climbed into the guest bedroom of Romano's house anyways, trying to ban the guilt away, instead thinking of the sex. _Dios._ At points I could swear that he actually wanted it, the way he moaned out my name and clung to me. Especially when his lips touched mine, acting as if they _craved_ more. Was it possible that he was questioning..? That he could actually want something more with me, his favorite boss?

I fell asleep with a smile on my face. Who knows, it could be possible.

…

_February 7, 2013,_

_Wow. A lot has happened~. Anyways, I'll just start writing. I fall in love with Romano more every day…he really knows how to surprise me. Many people think he's cold and harsh, but the truth is, if you take the time to befriend him, you won't regret it. He is the kind of friend who will stand by your side no matter what you're going through, and I regret to say this, but a lot of people use that to their advantage. Especially his brother. It really breaks my heart how oblivious my cute little tomate is to his brother's selfishness. It's like the youngest Italian can't stand to share. He does it with Germany, he does it with Japan, and he's even tried to do this with me at one point. He's possessive, and I can see it breaking through Romano, though Romano is too caring to notice. I've tried my hardest to show Romano that he doesn't always have to be the one hugging, that he can receive hugs too, and I think I've made some good progress. Like just the other day, Romano broke down. He did so for reasons I won't state here in case somebody reads this. I was so shocked, I had no idea what to do but just hold him close and tell him that everything would be alright. He may not have said it out loud, but he was grateful. I could tell. _

_It makes me feel good. I have never seen Italy be there for Romano the way that I have. Not once. Maybe this will help Romano break away a little, hopefully attempt being independent. I really want him to be able to live his own life, free from the burden of having to deal with Italy's strange possessive issues. _

_Now moving to the topic of Italy. Everybody thinks I love him, I guess I'm just not good enough at expressing my strong disliking of the boy. It's very difficult for me to outright hate somebody, so right now I only dislike him. I have no reason to hate him yet. But here, let me just write out my true feelings for the youngest Italian._

_He's always acting so innocent. Always. And I know for sure he's not that innocent, he's a fucking __Italian__ for Christ's sake. Plus, he's always bragged about his skill in the Theatre department, so we all know that he's a good actor. I may be dense, but I notice these things. Then there's the aura around him when he's having one of his moments where he apparently doesn't understand the perverted innuendos being tossed around the room. It's like he suddenly takes on this whole new personality. His voice gets softer and he goes, "huh?", then he'll proceed to ask Germany what it means, using his oh so sweet innocence voice that I just know is fake. I can't explain how I know it's fake…I just do. Is he doing it for attention? I don't really know, but he sure has everybody wrapped around his finger. Everybody but me. I can see right through this act of his. _

_And the thing with Italy is that he uses a sob story. I'll admit, I fell for it the first time, but then I realized he was telling __everybody__ about it. I don't think there's a single country who doesn't know his story by now. The poor poor story of dear Grandpa Rome, and how he just disappeared, leaving poor poor Italy all alone. _

_Bullshit._

_That was __my__ grandpa too. And Romano's. And France's. And I'm sure he was related to just about half the European countries and maybe some African ones! Italy has no reason to act as if his Grandpa did it all just to leave __him__ alone. Besides that, Italy is nowhere near being alone. He has sucked Germany into his game; he's mostly got Japan as well, though Japan hasn't fallen under his influence as much because he has his own family to deal with. Hell, Italy had even convinced me for a while, but I have this gift of reading people. _

_I didn't like what I read. _

_Not only that but Italy had gotten me dangerously close to losing my friendship with France and Prussia, who share my adherent dislike for the northern part of the country._

_Truthfully, I'm almost at my limit with the brat. _

_Dios…this all sounds so strange leaving from my mouth. Well, my hand, but whose paying attention. _

_Ah, yes. I almost forgot. The newest development with Italy is that he's taking larger strides to ensure that Romano doesn't leave him for me. As if that would happen (I wish it would, shh I didn't say that), Romano loves his brother too much, which is indeed admirable, but at the same time it gives Italy leverage. Italy has been crying to Romano more about his problems, making Romano feel as if he's special when undoubtedly he truly isn't. At least not to Italy. Italy knows that he can get sympathy from Romano, which is why he cries to him so much. About stupid things, too. Ever since Romano confessed to being scared of thunder to the younger, Italy has started acting as if he were scared of thunder. So, instead of being there for Romano during a thunderstorm, Italy 'needs' Romano there for __him__, when Romano's scared enough as it is. Okay, I'm getting off topic. Anyways, Italy has been crying more and demanding more of Romano, which I think is his attempt at keeping Romano near._

_Oh, oh, wait until you hear this. After one of mine and Romano's filming sessions, the next morning, Italy asked __Romano__ if he could come over to __my__ house. I of course told Romano it was okay, I had no valid reason to tell him why I didn't want Italy near. So an hour later, Italy was over, cockblocking any filming we wanted to do that day, and guess what else…he was crying! Oh, it was lovely. So me and Romano spent that part of what was supposed to be __our__ day attempting to soothe the brat, who would only cry more, complaining that 'I shouldn't have come..'_

_I don't know what he was expecting me to say to that. Did he want an assurance from me, telling him he was welcome at any time? Well I've made it a habit not to lie, so I said nothing. As he kept crying about it, though, I did want to tell him that yes, he shouldn't have come._

_But I'm not that rude._

Satisfied with what I had spent the majority of thirty minutes writing, I put down my pencil and tucked the book away. I really wanted Romano to see what I had written, to see that his brother was as fake as fake can be, but I wouldn't let him see. I, unlike Italy, was not that manipulative. Hopefully Romano would never read my words; he'd have to figure Italy out on his own. I'd be there of course, lending an ear whenever the poor thing needed to rant, but that's all I'd do. I would not fuel or even ignite the doubt; it had to happen on its own.

A ring at my door signaled that France was finally here, so I got up and let him in. We greeted and hugged, smiling brightly at each other, for it had been a while since we last saw one another.

"I'm glad you came, finally," I said, closing the door behind him. He took off his coat and scarf, hanging them on the coat rack before responding.

"I know, right? It's been a long time, hasn't it?" France shook his wavy hair of snow that I just realized was drifting from the sky. Fat flakes of snow stuck to the windows as we walked into my kitchen and I made hot cocoa for the both of us, the storm outside picking up slightly. We were mostly silent, not many words had to be said between us for us to have fun. But eventually we started talking, France complaining about England's attitude during love, even though I know very well that France doesn't mind one bit.

"He's just so loud! He's gotten us caught on multiple occasions, I'll have you know," France ranted, taking the mug I offered him and sipping. I sipped some of my own and gazed at him over the rim with mirth.

"Kind of like that camping trip we took last summer?" I asked, and his eyes widened.

"_Exactly_ like that! Only I think that was the funniest time, simply because he was so flustered and you nearly peed yourself laughing."

"It wasn't _me_ that nearly peed myself. That was all Prussia," I defended, grinning at my friend.

France laughed, "I swear he did and just didn't admit it."

That got us both laughing. Prussia, at the moment, was with Denmark and having a good time. I liked them together; they fed each other's stupidity perfectly.

"Well, speaking of loud sex, want to see my latest video with Romano?"

France's eyes glinted and he smirked, "Of course I do, do you really need to ask?"

A shared perverted look passed between us and we walked up the stairs to my computer room, mugs in hand. I sat in the chair and typed in the computer's password, waiting as the system started up.

"This one was amazing. Really, I think that was my favorite sex with him…" I stated, thinking back to that amazing night as I pulled up my movie editor system. I pressed play, both mine and France's eyes glued to the screen as much kissing ensued. Then much stripping. Then much foreplay. Then much pounding. And oh, oh so much moaning. Especially coming from that beautiful Italian's lips.

As the video ended, I looked at France to see his reaction, pleased by his hand covering up an obvious nosebleed. I grinned, "¿Té gustas?"

"Mon cher, you definitely know how to show that Italian a good time," He commented simply, making me laugh.

"I love him so much," I said, mainly to myself but to France as well.

"Well, he _is_ quite the cutie. You picked a good one to fall in love with~"

"I know," I said cockily, "D'you think that I have a chance?"

France, the certified love doctor, replied mysteriously with a, "Love has its ways."

"Mmm," I responded, following a thought in my mind. I hoped desperately that one day Romano would come out. Sometimes, I think to myself that maybe I should just go get a sex change. Maybe he'd love the female me, but then that takes my mind to the thought that, _if he loves me as a chica, then why can't he love me as a chico? It's the same person…_I really don't understand. I can understand liking dicks and liking chicks, but then I wonder, (being my pansexual self) why can't we all love each other equally? Why is it so different to have a girl dating a boy, or a boy dating a boy, or a girl dating a girl? Why? But then I remember that I have male friends who absolutely hate female genitalia, and I would never ask of them to like it. Truthfully, I give myself a headache with all of this thinking. Staring at the video, I decide that I may as well finalize the project now, and then I could upload it later that night. "Mind if I finalize this?"

France shook his head, "No, its fine," and then sat on a chair he must have just barely realized was there. With the permission, I clicked the finalize button and chose 1080hd. May as well have it be the best.

As we waited for it to finish (it was going to take fifteen minutes. What a bother.), I logged onto Facebook and started to scroll through my feed. I laughed at a picture that Have a Gay Day posted, causing France to look over. He laughed as well, "Oh! Let me log in, I can show you something on my profile."

"Alright," I did one last scroll down, and then went to click the log off button…wait.

_Did I just see..?_

A sharp, tedious pang of fear jolted through my whole body. I felt blood rush in from my extremities, causing my fingers and feet to grow cold. Did true fear do this to you? I wondered as I stared at the blue and white log in screen.

"…Spain?" France tentatively asked, snapping me from my stupor.

"Uno momento…" I whispered, hardly able to get my voice out the way I wanted it to as I put in my email and password again, logging me back in. I fervently scrolled through the feed, the trepidation inside of me growing to an ice-cold boiling point as my screen finally came onto it. The one thing I never expected to see, the one thing that was able to get into me and jab at the last bubble of happiness and sanity I kept filled.

Right there. Right _smack dab_ in the _middle_ of my news feed, posted by none other than Italy himself, was a wonderful picture of two bodies intermingled with each other. Not naked, but definitely kissing. The one on bottom was Italy and the other…

Dear God…it was Romano.

In that tiny little millisecond, my ears started roaring and a cold, icy fist clamped itself over my chest. I physically felt unable to breathe, and it became more and more difficult to fight back the tears that desperately wanted to escape. My happiness was gone. All of it.

"Well…that's a little…unnerving," I said simply, surprised at how strong my voice sounded, completely contradictory to the chaos that had filled my entire being. My friend just behind me no longer registered into my brain. He could have left and I wouldn't have noticed. I didn't even notice anything until I realized that we had ended up in my room, my face buried into his shoulder as I cried it out.

Why did it hurt so much? I had known all along that I had no claim on Romano…yet I felt cheated on, betrayed. There was no doubt in my mind that they were doing exactly what me and Romano had been doing. Selling porn for money.

God, why was I so upset? I shouldn't be, I knew, but that didn't stop the burning tears from leaking out of my eyes. Now I knew why romance books and beliefs had a lot to do with the heart, even though the organ had nothing to do with it. My entire chest was just gripped in pain, causing me to clutch at it violently, no doubt drawing blood through my clothes.

I thought I was special.

I thought I meant something to Romano.

My mind thought back to the picture I had seen and the caption that had been with it:

'_Me and my fratello having fun~'_

_Me and my fratello._

_**My **__Fratello._

So this was Italy's blow in this strange, unspoken war we had going on. Well…it was a damn good blow. I couldn't see me recovering from it anytime soon…

"..you have to fight for him," France was saying, petting my hair soothingly, "You have to show Italy that you won't be giving up on Romano anytime soon."

Yes. Someday, probably not soon, I would deal another blow. It would hurt Italy, shatter him like he shattered me…

No. I couldn't do that. Even after this, I would never wish this pain on anybody.

Even though I feel like I had been used by Romano, (though all along I already knew that I was) I still loved him. Crazy, isn't it? I'd still rip out my heart and serve it on a silver platter for that damned boy, should he ask.

However, the only one dining right now was Italy, feasting on the bits and pieces he had managed to shatter without even saying a word. Well, technically a thousand. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words right?

…Right.

…

_February 8, 2013,_

_For the first time in my life…I have found somebody to hate more than England. _

_May God be with him, for you do __not__ want to be on my hate list._

_Good luck, Veneciano. _

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***Anxiously awaits the hated shouts from many fangirls and Italy lovers who didn't heed my warning***

Otherwise, pop a comment!

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**EDIT: This was only supposed to be a one-shot...and I'm just going to get this out there but, I loved reading the reviews. I'll also have you guys know...every single thing that has happened in this story/will happen happened in real life. Yep.**

**HOWEVER. Since you guys really want to see more of this, me and my friend shall be continuing it. It will start off a few months before this particular even happened, and it will possibly be continuing after this event. I dunno. It will be from two different viewpoints, Prussia's and Spain's. Once we get it started, I will post the link.**

**I'm glad you guys like this, and to clear up some confusion: Love really does this. You feel as if you should hate the person with all you have, but no matter how hard you try, you can't hate them. You just can't.**

**Your love blinds you and makes you see past the pain they've brought you, and in this case, it wasn't entirely the person you love. It was people outside of the love that got in and ruined it. **


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